You deserve to live without abuse. If that means being alone for a bit, so be it. You will be better off.

My husband is very supportive of my illness, and it looks like you and I have a lot in common with our MI. You might find someone like my husband in regard to acceptance of mental illness and having empathy. Often it may be someone who is also more emotional than the average person (my husband is possibly cyclothymic).

Back when I was hoping to meet my future husband, I wrote a list of all the things I was looking for in him. After every failed relationship, I would say "back to the drawing board!" and come up with a new, more specific list of things I'm looking for. It worked.

Take care of yourself. The way you are feeling right now is honestly her fault, so don't turn your feelings inward to self-harm. Instead, put your focus on how to get yourself healthy and out of the relationship. HUGS!!