moonkin, your self honesty and ability to cognize your feelings are really going to be an asset for you... DePressMe makes some excellent points regarding self-esteem and anxiety.. and if i did in any way minimize your feelings, i'm sorry...

self-esteem and anxiety were severe issues for me also during my worse years and i do still work on them... depressme says these feelings of paranoia could be related and i think it is wise to see them as "flags" that there is some issue needing attention... it doesn't necessarily follow that there is a problem with your mind though...

do you experience difficulty in social settings? do you doubt yourself or feel that others doubt the value of your offerings, be they vocal or other? do you believe yourself? do you feel made fun of and mocked? if this is the case then what depressme is saying is that there are ways to build self-esteem and there is a forum especially for that here at pc.

in my response i attempted to downplay your fear that paranoia may be becoming a relevant factor in your day to day existence. like depression i think that we all drift toward the periphery from time to time but unless it really is a serious problem, we are able to see the illusions we are self creating and return to our normal levels of curosity about what others think of us...

some things to consider is all...

i've smoked too many cigs today and my brain feels like fried eggs right now... i have a special caring for you moonkin... in some ways i see myself in you at your age... don't fear feeling all things a little bit, but be careful what you let your mind linger on... some pandora's boxes should be left closed for good reason... and in contrast, explore this world, some paths are rose gardens...