KTP, my father was not my abuser. I had many abusers but my father was not among them. He was one of the only people whom I felt actually loved me.

I'm not too big on the concept of "normal" either, and I know exactly what you mean. However at this point in my life I've been in a lot of turmoil and confusion and pain and I'm just very very tired of trying to make sense of it all on my own. I'm kind of like the main character Bruce Willis played in that movie 12 Monkeys who wants desperately to believe it's all a hallucination and that he can get well, because the alternative is ... well ... just too obscene to contemplate.

Thanks for welcoming me here. It's OK if you want to talk about your stuff, I enjoy hearing other people's experiences too.

Take care.
~Mal