Yes. I focused on not getting hysterical and not opening my mouth. What I say to him just doesn't matter anyway.

We fell asleep in the same bed in chilling silence, resolved to existing together in hell. I awoke this morning with that longing feeling I always have of wanting to be held and loved. I briefly considered wrapping my arms around him and making love to him, but I wouldn't bring myself to do it. I don't want to perpetuate this charade any more and I know doing that will only lead to pain for me.

I was aware that he was waking and aware of me being awake. He lays there still, in silence, afraid to make a move, frozen deer in the headlights, not ever knowing what to do, and he knows I know it.

He gets up and leaves the room, going into the living room and gets on his computer.

He knows I am on here writing out all of this. We discuss his reading my posts. He said he wanted to read it. I said he could, but when he asked me to show it to him yesterday, I felt a distrust because when I brought up something horrible and traumatic he did to me he made a comment that I wanted to 'use that against him'. To me, that means he is aware that we are getting divorced and is scared that I will expose what he did to get through a divorce.

First of all-- why should I have to use anything to get what is fair in a divorce?

So, last night he told me he signed up to be on this site! He is sitting in the other room reading this right now!

He just walked in the room and told me "You are a very good writer."