Possible triggers?

Well I've been with my husband for 9 years (married for 4) we have 2 beautiful children.
So I've known my mother in law for a long time. And she was great while we were dating, no we didn't always see eye to eye but we were ok.
Once we got pregnant with our first and got married, things got bad with her. Not with the baby at first, she would watch our son while I was at work twice a week. My son loved her and she loved him, it was her first grandchild.

But once I stopped working to stay home with my son, all babysitting slowly stopped. Which is fine. Except now that I have our faughtery. I sit a home with no car (my husband's car blew so we bought mine, but now don't have the funds to get a second) for months and months on end, with no sitter, no break, no help. My husband's only day off is Tuesday. And we normally have appointments or errands to run, which he does because he would rather do the grocery running quick without the kids running wild through the store.
So I'm home, all the time with no break.
Which again, is ok. This is the life I chose, I should push harder for a day away once in a while. But try to ask my husband.

But in February, I had my 4th miscarriage. I was 17 weeks, it required surgery. And I had some very bad happenings after that. I mean very bad, like sexual assault. It was torture going through life. I was having constant panic attacks. About 3-4 a day at least 4-5 days out of the week. I couldn't cwan, I couldn't cook, I could barely stand. My OB tried to give me Xanax but it just made me sleepy, but nothing else.

One day I was having a especially bad panic attack, my chest was hurting so bad I could barely breathe. I was crying, trying to hide it all from my kids.
I had noticed that if I called someone, I could talk thru them. So I called my mother in law. Keep in mind, I wanted nothing, just to talk through my massive anxiety/panic attack. My MIL she decided that that was the time to tell me that I was a "shi**y mom". Twice. I am a huge mess, crying, barely able to breathe, and she chose right then.

If she had a problem with something I was doin, I would welcome her suggestion, or advice, but really? Name calling. She also told me "I raised my boys, I'm not raising your kids" .....excuse me???? I NEVER ask you to babysit. I got the point when my son was young and I stopped working. And I wasn't asking her then either. She said "I won't help you unless you help yourself, go get counseling and get on meds, then we will talk about me helping you" ......what??? Again, I wasn't asking for help, I was just trying to talk through my current bad situation. Trying to make it stop, at least for a few minutes, so I could stop crying. I didn't want her to come watch my kids or clean or anything. I wanted nothing from her but a conversation. I don't ask her for things.

So I'm holding onto my counter, mouth open, trying to figure out how the conversation turned to me being a bad mom, how apparently I'm asking for things that she won't help with. I'm now bawling, believing that I am world's worst mom. After a few more nasty comments, like how the assault never happened, I was lying or I just thought that's what happened....I hung up, I literally couldn't handle it anymore, I hung up (I've never been that rude to her) and about a week later, I had to apologize to her.
She had sent me into a very long -weeks long- mental breakdown. I couldn't eat, sleep, anything. Trying to handle my 4 year old and 1 year old.
I shut down, just kept going over in my head how lost I was, how bad of a mother I was for not being able to cope and be strong for my kids and my husband.
I had no hope, no one was going to help. I was alone. My husband works long hours and when he is home, he's tired too, he's overwhelmed too. He does his hest to help as much as possible, but other than his mom, we have no one to help. My mom died when I was little, my dad is in another state, my sister is in another state (with cancer). We had no one. I did go to counseling (no meds) but I'm still struggling with MIL.

Do you ladies have any suggestions? We don't have the extra funds to hire a babysitter. I'm now pregnant again (lost another one a few months after the 17 week miscarriage) so I'm now 11 weeks, tired overwhelmed, scared and still trying to cope. We need a night away, no friends to help (they have their own kids) and no family. How to manage the kids and our marriage with someone constantly telling us how awful we are?

Sorry that was so long. Hope you got to finish reading and that I didn't bore you too bad. Thanks in advance for any reaponse.
Have a great day.