As an alternative style of conversation, you might want to try "active listening".

In active listening, you "reflect back" what the person thinks and/or feels, without judging it or giving advice.

For example, when she says that she is upset with her boyfriend, you might say something like You are really frustrated with him right now. Or You resent that he doesn't contribute more. Or You just wish his parents would support him more.

You do your best to figure out what she feels and means and you say those feelings and meanings out loud.

The examples are all statements that do not agree or disagree or give advice. They simply show that you understand her thoughts, and/or you understand her feelings, and you don't judge them. You are with her in her distress. She has a nonjudgmental, caring, understanding person to speak to. She is not alone.

If you don't quite get her thoughts or feelings right, she has the opportunity to correct you. If she does correct you, then you just reflect back the correction.

For example:

Her: He never washes the f--ing dishes!

You: You sound really angry with him right now.

Her: Not angry, just frustrated.

You: You are incredibly frustrated that he didn't wash the dishes tonight.

Again, you show her that you understand and accept without agreeing, disagreeing, advising, or judging. You simply are with her in her distress. She has a nonjudgmental, caring, understanding person to speak to. She is not alone.