What if you have a conversation with her about that? You might acknowledge that because you love her you get emotional and speak out of that emotion. You know that it is a problem and you are going to work on listening in a different way. You could ask her to help you by kindly reminding you if you start to get judgmental.

For example, one way she could help you is to use a reminder word. The reminder word should be something light or silly or a private word that both of you find enjoyable. Let's say that the reminder word is Butterfly. If you start to speak out of emotion, she can use that word. For example:

Her: He never washes the f--ing dishes!

You (upset): I told you he is no good!

Her (kindly): That is a real butterfly.

You: I'm sorry.

Just an idea. But I think that the concept of asking her to her to help you out in becoming a better listener is well worth considering.