When I was 16 I was feeling like I had no way out of the insanity of my family. It was crushing me. Than I realized that I didn't have to be my family. I didn't have to be abusive, violent, perverted etc. I realized that I could be who ever I wanted to be by behaving in the way I wanted people to know me. That my life could be what ever I wanted it to be by behaving like a "normal" person. When I realized this, it was a weight lifted off of me. I wasn't pretending to be someone else, I was behaving like I wish my family would have behaved. My system is made up of parts who's job was to keep us balanced and safe. And it worked for decades. Not always perfectly all the time but we got through life raising my son, holding down a steady job for 22 years, making "normal" friends who were more family than friend. I also took traits from people I respected. I would sometimes hear something I would say and realize it was influenced by some who I loved and respected. If I would have had a safe home and sane family I might have loved and respected them, and took some of their traits. But I didn't. I didn't want to be like any of them. And I'm not.