If your husband is staying neutral....I see that as a "possible out" for him??? Just thinking....he needs to support you! You're feelings are very valid!! You need support.

You sound like you have a trapped existence & some people can live like that & fall in love with motherhood. I'm certainly not saying that's bad, I think it's wonderful!
When I had my third I realized I needed to get out! To talk to other adults & be an adult. My husband & I set up like a tag team & when he saw me close to meltdown I told him I had to take a walk.
Keeping MH issues hidden from children is extremely difficult I think & is very draining. IMHO.

We had issues w/ my MIL....other stuff...& she's approx 6-7min away. I started to get really upset...then angry.
In the heat of it (& not thinking clearly) I kept my kids away from my MiL on purpose. To prove a point to her about control!

Now in hindsight I can see I was using my kids like pawns in a chess game & not very smart or healthy to do. Did it work? Yes, but it created a divide between my MIL & myself.