I have a whole shelf full of notebooks filled despairing notes and hundreds of efforts to feel better. These were kept for many years. I also have a stack of 3/5" cards called "counseling" that's more than 1/2" thick. Each card was a contact person or organization that did not help me, until I finally found a clinic that did. I also keep a mood log. All these things are hard, cold, facts about how bad things were before I started meds, and how meds and therapy have leveled me out a lot for long periods, and not a lot for other periods. But I'm still so, so, so much better off than I was 20 years ago. For 50 years I suffered from rapid mood swings and extreme depression. Nothing and nobody helped me until I was 54 years old.