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Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ
I can relate. I definitely want sex. For me the sexual desires are mixed with shame so I am left feeling like I am a bad person for craving sexual intimacy.
Do you relate to feeling shame as a secondary emotion to your sexual desires?
For me it is the intimacy that I crave. Then again, I have never really had a long-term relationship and I avoid intimate relationships for fear of abandonment and also due to confidence / self-esteem issues and avoidant personality traits... So perhaps my situation is different because I am just so alone. It is really hard.
I think it is important to see these things you crave as needs not being met. It is okay to meet your needs and want to meet your needs. People with BPD definitely experience loneliness and love more intensely, so it would make sense that you desire it so much. I know for myself that being in a relationship is the closest thing to happiness I have ever experienced. Most people with BPD will probably agree that healthy relationships are like being on cloud nine. Sometimes it can be overwhelming though, so we have to catch ourselves before it takes over our lives and enters insecure attachment styles.
Be mindful of your sexual urges, but don't allow shame to keep you from experiencing them. You are human and you have needs and you deserve to have them met. 
Oxytocin is the chemical most associated with cuddling and physical intimacy. I am lacking it for sure, so I have teddy bears that I hug when I am feeling out of spirits. This can sometimes be confused with sexual desire, which is usually intermixed. The teddy bears help me, but when I am in a state like I am in now; even a slight brush against my skin by another human being makes me feel alive. It is an instant positive effect. I am so bloody lonely that I cry and wrap myself in blankies with teddies because I just want someone to hug me and hold me.
Do you relate?
Apparently Borderline sufferers can confuse physical intimacy needs with sexual needs; which is why some therapists refrain from hugging patients, despite their end-of-the-earth desire to be hugged.
Thanks,
HD7970ghz |
I just had sex with one of the people (like 20 minutes ago) but I only let her touch me and I didn't touch her back. She got me off, but I do feel somewhat guilty/dirty about it somehow. Not intense/bad/overwhelming though. We will see how I feel after some rest. I think part of it is that while I know her, it isn't too well and also that I've started more seriously talking to someone else that could turn into a relationship. I don't have a commitment or obligation to that girl yet but I still feel kind of wrong for having sex with someone else if you get my drift.
I like physical intimacy like cuddling but I don't want to do that unless I really like someone or preferably am in a relationship with them. If it's a friend with benefits type deal, the cuddling is not a thing. Kissing really isn't either. I'm kinda like "get me off and maybe I'll get you off" but we don't kiss or cuddle.
I can relate to the brush against my skin thing. That's especially true when I haven't had sex or any physical intimacy in a long time. This time was a little bit over a month so I didn't quite get to that point but was getting close.
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