I have always had body memories... the memory... a physical response slowly sinks into my sub-conscious.. like something familiar.. some thing is wrong here... that ick feeling... or a gesture..invlountary movements...

seeing this body work therapist.. has thrown it into high gear... my body.. is remembering extreme trauma.. from being sodomized.. yes.. the memories.. flooding me.. and it is so hard... I have never forgotten..
but.. perhaps it is the sharing of the information amoug alters.. or perhaps all people with PTSD have this..

my body in therapy friday.. reacted very violently.. and with it came whisper words.. of what was happening..

terrifying for me... my T said that it is the PTSD... and to remember that it is not happening in the here and in the now..

But.. it makes me violently sick to my stomach...

And... I wonder... how a body can store so much pain..

I am struggling so much now.. and feel so isolated...