So, I decided to continue to meet other people and I have been out with a new guy a couple of times...I have pretty much decided I don't really click with him though. (he uses the F word and b!tch a lot, I'm really not into the whole cursing thing...I get this odd feeling he's actually a little angry with women, he's 39 and divorced and its just a few comments he made) The thing is, on the day of the first date, my friend, (may as well give him an initial M) was randomly texting me and saying he missed me (and being suggestive)...and again, yesterday when I saw the new guy later in the evening, M texted me a few times during the day, said good night baby. All I could think of was how much I want M. and I sit here now thinking of him, listening to songs, feeling weepy and I just want HIM. ugh. I have it bad!! He still likes me a lot, I know he thinks about me a lot, whether or not we can make an actual relationship out of this I just don't know.
Crazy me, I felt like I was cheating on M by being with this other guy and it feels like crap.
Weird as hell as it is, and I know it is most of all in my mind, my heart seems to be set on M. He still says good morning to me, still calls me lover, says goodnight to me, tells me he wants me and misses me. There is some kind of message from him like that every day.

I'm sorry to keep this up with you guys, I haven't really anyone else to talk to about it. Yeah I have a therapist but I don't really talk about this love life stuff with her too much, to be honest, I keep this part out of therapy.

I am trying to keep things light with M, no pressure, because I want to keep him in my life, but it is really really hard not just saying it out that I am in love with him. Because that's pretty much the conclusion I have come to. I don't have a solution, I guess I'm not sure there really is one. I'm just hoping that maybe M will decide that he misses me enough to decide to make a better place for me in his life. And I absolutely know just how pathetic and stupid that sounds. I just haven't felt this good with someone as I do when I am with him.

Thanks for listening you guys. Why do hearts have to be so stubborn and illogical?