Oh, Debbie! I'm so sorry!

It's not farm life, Hon. Death is a part of life. If it isn't a pet, it's a friend or a family member. The more you love, the more you stand to lose. But if we didn't love, look at all the beauty and satisfaction we'd lose, too!
Hang in there, Hon!
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Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.