Quote:
Originally Posted by Talthybius
You are making a problem that is your daughter's boyfriend's problem, your problem.
It is not even clear to me that your daughter has a problem. She 'blows money'? What does that mean? She is in college. That's not the stage in your life where you save up money. And even if she has a money problem, if it is her money and if it doesn't get out of hand, what you can actually do is limited.
Now, if you are paying for all her expenses, you might have a say. But her 'wasting money', that's just your judgment. Maybe it is an investment. Maybe she is getting important life experiences partying, traveling, or whatever she is doing with her money.
As for her BF, why withhold approval? It's not how you influence who she picks to out to start a relationship. Parent's have a huge effect on how their children pick their spouses, but they don't do any of that by approving or disapproving. You did that by learning her what good partner qualities are from the nature of the relationship you and your husband have.
Don't know where the the daughter using drugs and being almost pregnant come from. But maybe thatś just culture difference.
As for the argument that she cannot possibly even drink alcohol, my parents are both alcoholics. One a functional one, the other a totally dysfunctional one. As a teenager, I used to be the only one not drinking, and I was able to do this because I was too autistic to be affected by this thing called peer pressure. Now that I am older, I have 'secretly' drunk alcohol, just to mellow stress away and 'help relax', even though I despite alcohol.
I'd say it goes the other way. If a parent is alcoholic, the child is more likely to be. Both because of genetic reasons as for nuture reasons.
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Thank you so much for your comment. Let me explain, I am affected when my daughter comes to me with this guys mess. I know the actual problem is his problem but it affects my daughter which then affects me. In other posts I made I said there is way more to the story.
As a mother of course I want what is best for my daughter. To see her with a manipulative, verbally abusive jerk of a guy hurts me deeply. Not to mention he is a bum who refuses to work and she works double shifts all the time trying to provide for her needs and his. She also attends college full time. She has a lot on her plate by her own choices I know. Yes I know it is age appropriate for her to want to blow some money but when she wants to move into a new apartment she can't be doing this. I'm not going to give her money that he will benefit from. I've always taught her that she has to work hard for what she wants. No one is going to spoon feed her. I know that I am powerless over the choices she makes with her money. I understand that.
I'm not sure if you have read all the posts I've made in this thread. But if you decide to, it will help you understand why I disapprove of this guy.
I meant that my daughter can't possibly even drink alcohol. I said that because of what she has already seen and been through in her life with her alcoholic father that she has decided that she doesn't want to drink or do drugs. She has made that decision for herself. She told me she tried alcohol and smoked a little pot while at the University and she decided it wasn't something she wanted to keep doing. I was and am very proud of her for that. Alcoholism/Drug Abuse runs deep in our family so she understands that drinking is not going to be a good choice for her.