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Originally Posted by yagr
Love. Period.
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I get that but what are the conditions for such love to appear... what will make it develop?
Am I asking for the impossible when I want to see ahead a bit?
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But consider this: I just watched the movie Southpaw with my wife tonight. A little girl who had just lost her mother to a stray bullet was screaming at her father, "I hate you! It should have been you that died!" If you're the dad right now, what is your priority? What would you give to make your daughter's pain go away? Do you want revenge for what she said to you? Do you want to make her feel as bad as she just made you feel? Probably not.
I think a good parent is just thinking about their child in that moment and would do almost anything to relieve their pain. That's love. And few people bring it to the table in an adult relationship. If we did, we might be willing to step out of ourselves long enough to realize that our partner not meeting our needs has nothing to do with us. All we'd see is someone we love hurting and want to help.
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It's simple with kids - it's your own kid, your own genes, and they are helpless, young, cannot yet try and take advantage of you with ulterior motives.
So for adults I find it normal that such level of trust takes time to develop. And not just time.
And then... what if they do show some signs of how much they love you but then are inconsistent with that? Say, they tell you serious things like "yes, I'd like kids but it is up to you, if you don't want kids, I will accept that", they buy you an engagement ring, etc. But at the same time, they don't even seem to remember that you exist in many cases?
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I knew the moment I laid eyes on her...but waited four hours to tell her that I was going to spend the rest of my life with her cause I didn't want to scare her off. 
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Oh nice love story
But how did you
know and not just hope or wish?
Because, for sure, I did find myself strongly attracted to people before on first sight but it didn't mean it was going to be all good in the relationship
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Anyway, I am exhausted and was on my way to sleep when I saw this. I wanted to try and answer before bed but now I'm concerned that I may not have been up to the task. I hope it made some kind of sense.
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I do find your perspective illuminating in some ways so thanks for it.