i appreciate that optimism, thanks

but i'm really not sure that she feels that way now. it's all just different than it was. and i get that the window is likely closed and that she's come to think that i'm not into her, which makes complete sense from her perspective.

i feel like i need to offer some explanation as to why i was tentative, and that i can't just suddenly come out now and say i have feelings for her. i'm very, very guarded and slow to let people get close, and that was all part of this as well. but if i offer that as my explanation, i can't see that making me more appealing to her as something more than a friend. my gut's telling me to be honest and hope she'll be understanding.

we've planned to get together tomorrow after work, though i've had an urge to call before that. but i'm going to try to wait until i see her before getting into this.