During my darkest days of recovery, I pulled similar stuff with my now-husband. Repeatedly. He would beg for me to stop, and I would (I don't remember this) threaten suicide and talk about how worthless I was and even pulled a gun on myself right in front of him. To this day, I cannot fathom why he stayed. I can't tell you for sure if your boyfriend will stay or not. You have to understand that since he has children, that has to take priority over helping you with your recovery. This is not said to make you feel guilty or to hurt you--I hope that it works out for you, truly, and that he stays. But this is your journey, your demon, that you must face--with or without him. And hey, if he leaves now, nothing is permanent. You never know what might happen or who you might be once you are back on your healthy path. Words don't mean much on their own. Don't beg, just show him that you mean business. Get into meetings. Read the books. Communicate with him. If you feel like you're about to slip up, or you already slipped up, tell him. Get in front of the issue and be careful not to be secretive about it (that is how we end up blindsiding our loved ones with our demons). And if he makes the decision to leave, respect him for it, and seek help elsewhere--there are always resources in your community. The most beautiful success stories start with the darkest moments. Best of luck. <3

Edit: Just saw your post that you "couldn't get into AA meetings". I felt the same way. To be honest, I still don't credit AA for my recovery. But going to meetings is making an effort, it's a new source of information, and a social network. If nothing else, it will show your boyfriend that you are willing to do whatever it takes--even if it's unpleasant--to get better.