This question is for anyone who has EVER had a period of depression, but this question is especially directed to those who have persistent depression or dysthymia. I wanted to share what bothers me, and what parts of my life it seems to affect the most, and read how it affect others.

For me, in this point in my life, I feel unfixable. I am 25 years old and have been depressed since I've ever been able to remember. I only sought help a year and a half ago, and it took me that long to believe I needed help. The world doesn't stop for anyone, you either keep up or drown it feels like at times. I was kicked out of my home, had to learn to drive, get a license, a car, a place to live and learn to adjust to living alone. I get frustrated with myself. Others look at me and judge so harshly, and I judge myself even harder. I should have received therapy as a child. I slipped through the cracks I guess. My brother and sister both were in mental institutions for multiple years. I guess I was supposed to be the one without problems. I get frustrated. I suffer from bouts of severe depression. I am a teacher, I am an adult. I'm not supposed to be like this. I am supposed to be a role model, a leader. I am nothing more than a broken little boy inside, and I feel like it's too late to really get the help I needed then... and not "ill" enough to receive any other service that I feel at times I need. (That's another topic, but I'm talking about mental institutions). I often feel my job suffers -- i feel like I'm not good enough to be teacher. I worked so hard to get to where I am-- but I don't feel I'm qualified because of how depression affects me. I feel incompetent and stupid. I'm forced to fake a smile, sincerely. Everything in my head says "You are not enough, you are not strong enough, smart enough, good enough... You are 25 and a mental train wreck. You shouldn't even be allowed to be in front of children." ... I know that isn't the case. I've not shown incompetence in my performance. I've not broken down in class ( as of yet..), but that's what really hangs me up psychologically..... I feel like I shouldn't suffer through therapy, and medications, and all these issues I face now.

I don't know how else to put it.. I guess, it's like a man who doesn't know how to read. You try to hide it because because there is a standard... Adults should know how to read. You fake your way through but deep down feel ashamed. That's how I feel -- adults shouldn't be this depressed.... I shouldn't be a young professional with these types of issues.

For me -- The hardest part of having depression is dealing with the fact I'm at a point in my life where I have a career, an independent lifestyle. I fought tooth and nail to get to where I am, and I told myself I was fine for years. Like I said I only began to look for help, actually for anxiety, a year and a half ago. I can't say that I've not gotten better with therapy and medicine... but I can say it's made it harder to bottle things in, or ignore the past, or not be affected by things I had long forgotten, or tried to forget....