My rule of thumb has been to err on the side of not confronting the other about the abuse label, it can leave a wound that's difficult to recover from. Not that she couldn't learn a thing or two about raised voices and following from room to room. It's truly important to address your feelings in the moment, however. Behaviors need to be addressed in the moment. And time frames are important to give if fear is of saying something regrettable.

For instance, "I cherish you dearly. When you raise your voice at me, I feel angry and frustrated and I hesitate because I don't want to say something that I'll regret. If screaming is going to continue, I'm going to need to leave the conversation for 30 minutes. Then I'm willing to discuss this calmly and with civility. "

Sometimes it's important to use expressions that work for yourselves. It's one example of a way to work through things.

Active listening is another communication tool.

Going on like this seems draining.

"Investigate your hidden assumptions."-Cornel West