I don't feel like it is futile. I just have tried so hard to get to that point halfway up the hill and now I don't have the energy to start from the bottom again. The solution would be to rest a bit and start again since I've done it before, but I don't have a way to rebuild my energy with resources dwindling and not being able to work again. I'm am just back to fighting every day to stay alive and it is exhausting. I can't believe I'm back to not being able to get out of bed. I had a good chat tonithg on the boards which cheered me up a little but now it is very late and I'm on target to sleep in again tomorrow.