In answer to your question: Is what she doing illegal? I would say: No, emphatically, no.

I was actually in a situation where I was being verbally harrassed by my boyfriend with whom I lived. One day he actually said, "You better get your act together before I put a bullet in your head." He's not violent at all and I had no fear whatsoever that this was a real threat. But I was sick of being verbally badgered to death, so I did call the cops. I emphasized that it was no emergency. When they came, I reported what he had said. They asked him if it was true. He said, "I have freedom of speech." One of the officers responded, "Not to say that!"

There were two officers and I think they probably accurately assessed the situation. They didn't separate us and speak to each of us individually, which they would have, if they thought I was in real danger. One of the officers said to my bf, "If she calls us again because of you making a statement like that, we will arrest you." Then they addressed me. One of them said, "Ma'm, if you are living in an unhappy situation, you need to understand that calling us is not going to solve your problem. If the two of you really can't get along better, then you may need to separate and go your separate ways." I affirmed that I understood that. At the time I was unemployed and felt trapped. My plan was to move out, as soon as I found steady work . . . and that's what I did do.

Neither society, nor the police, nor opinions you solicit from others can make your fiance behave the way you wish she would. You're looking for some leverage to use on her, which is fine, but I think you're dreaming, if you think this is how you are going to gain any.

Everyone has a right to some boundaries, even within the context of the home they share with another. When we first started living together, my boyfriend thought it was okay for him to open my mail. That is illegal. I told him that and absolutely forbade him to open anything addressed to me. Basically a relationship, especially a live-together one, is an ongoing negotiation between the parties involved as to what each will tolerate. With people who are very different, sometimes you just come to realise you can't live together. I am still with this guy, but we have separate apartments.

If you are going to stay living with this woman, it's really on you (not on the law) to figure out what leverage you can wield to motivate her to give you the space you are looking for. Sometimes it's a matter of being very firm in saying that you will not engage with her for the present. Maybe you need to have a room with an interior lock where you can retreat to. I'm a great believer in having a room of your own. (Could be a spare bedroom, or a den.) You might tell her that you will simply leave the house and go for a drive, if she pursues you when you want to be left alone.

Some couples' counseling might be in order here. My sense is that you two are at kind of an impasse.