I saw you were not getting any replies to this thread. speaking for me I didnt click into the post because the word effing is sometimes a triggering word. lets put it this way many people who have DID are that way because of sexual abuse so words like effing and variations of this word can cause lots of problems for others. I also didnt reply to your thread because I felt this word may be a rule violation because the swear word filter usually changes that word to help with other people being triggered by this word.

that said now that I actually read your post I see you were swearing, not talking about being abused or enjoying the activity that word is usually used for, and that something feels weird to you. we could probably help out more if instead of just swearing you let us know what the problem is. maybe some of us have gone through the same thing and can give you ideas on how to get through this.