Oh dear.

****safe hugs**** if you want them. I can understand going a really long time and it getting the best of you. I did the same thing just recently but I've made my peace with it. Just hope it gets easier, ya know. Sorry to hear they had you on suicide watch. Most of the time people don't understand that it's not about suicide, it's about validation or other personal reasons. Ofcourse, this is assuming that you were NOT suicidal. The most important thing is to keep yourself safe, no matter the cost. I know about the relief, but it's short-term really. I can't wait to get to the point when it's just not worth it anymore.

Take Care of yourself
Above all, stay safe.

Sending positive thoughts your way,
Kimberly.