You may have a point, but I don't really see where it came from except perhaps the constant yelling before I was three, or being bullied since entering school to the point of getting two concussions and a broken arm in one year. The social ostracism and realizing early on that my "friends" in my neighborhood had been ordered by their parents to be my "friends" (they talked about me being from a "broken home" and going to a "Godless public school, kids that young don't say those things unless they've heard their parents say them) definitely damaged my self-esteem.

My family always praised my intelligence and while there may have been an element of shame that my father couldn't quit the drugs even when he had me back in his life a decade after their separation, but I had already been attending Alateen and knew, intellectually at least, that addiction is a type of disease that doesn't go away and doesn't mean it's your fault or if you were loveable enough that they would quit.

I'm currently diagnosed with Bipolar I, GAD, and PTSD (developed as an adult due to an assault), but while one hospital doc "didn't believe" in Bipolar II, didn't realize that just one episode of manic psychosis means Bipolar I, and thought any woman on the ward for depression just wanted attention said I was borderline after a 5 day stay and no communication with me, I think if I have any Axis Ii diagnosis it's more "Avoidant Personality Disorder". I don't let people close to me unless I'm sure they like me, I try to avoid conflict at almost any cost, I prefer to live on my own even though every time I do my other issues interfere and I forget my meds, don't keep the place clean (fibro, , etc.

The first time I was really accepted was when I got "online" at 12 (local BBSes, the information dirt road), and ended up homeschooling for two years, getting 3 years of work accomplished and entering back into school as a junior, so not in any classes with kids who remembered me). I took vicarious pleasure in seeing girls who tormented me in 7th grade being mocked horribly when their parents let them get online ecause they couldn't spell or type well and acted so immature, but people first thought I was a freshman in college when I was a 7th grader.

So I have always communicated with others through a computer screen much easier than in person, which gives me an added distance from real interpersonal activities.