I've found that you never step into the same river twice, regarding 12 step. You might find a meeting, either AA or NA, where you feel connections with others. You might not. One thing I know from my experience is that going it alone is a set up for more pain and suffering. I really appreciate your courage and honesty at sharing your struggles here. I do hope you find a way to get the help you clearly need and deserve. Most of all, I hope you are able to see it through to the end, whatever that looks like. Perhaps some time apart from your BF would be healthy for both of you? Codependency is a strange condition.