Your English is great, the therapist who told you that you would eventually kill yourself should have his office renovated by a good ol' American military/industrial drone strike and I can only hope that the trauma from the loss of your child and the years of subsequent isolation will pass and you can find peace without harming yourself. I would encourage you to emigrate if your parents weren't depending on you, and I have no idea how one might leave El Salvador and to what destination, so I'm no help there. Since you are so inclined to help others, would you find satisfaction in helping the poor? My best friend is a volunteer coordinator at the state's largest homeless shelter, and he finds his work extremely fulfilling, although he is paid dirt in one of the most expensive cities in the country.