After watching that film bipolar a narration of manic depressive it got me thinking a lot all day. Spoiler alert


The ending was almost identical to my attempt. It also bought some feelings I felt when I tried. I felt lonely hopeless, defeated crushed, pain all I had was one solution. It was my rock bottom moment and almost my final. I'd die at 33 turning 34 and nothing I wanted to accomplish in life ever met. Recently I told my friend sorry for not being around that I died 3 years ago and am waiting to be reborn. I've lived the past three years in autopilot. Not doing anything that mattered to me, not seeking relationship just hiding in bed and only going to work. Sometimes I'd call out just to sleep or hide and stare at the ceiling. Cry more then felt numb. I was improving though as my suicidal feelings felt lower and lower but still in bed. Have I been dead and living. Clearly what I was doing was not living. No social life no pleasurable events no contact with anyone nothing. I was dead

Recently I had a med change and perhaps I hit manic or hypo but was more active and doing my gym and martial arts which I enjoyed. But the depression mildly came back. I spent a few days (not consecutively) in bed. Friday I couldn't sleep I was wired, but morning came I slept a little and woke up 3 hours later. I then fell back asleep and slept the day away. Was I in a transitional phase? Today I saw that film and the depression part related so much. Even to the point of his suicide. I tried it the same way except no blender, pill by pill with scotch. I wanted the pain to end.

I'm not sure where I am going with this post but wanted to write down how I felt and some of these horrible feeling I endured during my rock bottom.

Today I want to live, but afraid that I forgot how.

Do you want to share your rock bottom story?