I've been an alcoholic for awhile. Been to rehab a few times and tried AA but it wasn't for me. I ended up going back to drinking but tend to get bloody diarrhea easy when I drink. So I ended up trying to switch to weed. Which has helped a bit and I only messed up and drank few times. But now I'm realizing marijuana is too expensive and I also have agoraphobia and it seems like I am unable to go anywhere or do anything with my life. I have been on SSI for five years and want to work towards a job. Tonight is my first night without weed and I kind of already feel like I want to drink. My thoughts start bothering me and seem to make everything worse. Life just seems meaningless without weed or alcohol but I know every time I mess up that life is just as meaningless.. With or without it. Sometimes I feel absolutely crazy and agitated when I don't have it. I just don't know what to do. I sometimes wish I could drink but I'm not looking to die a slow and painful death from bleeding. What can I do besides AA? How can I get past addiction and live my life?