❤️❤️❤️❤️ To you
I am older than you and having my own nervous breakdown - so much for the age/wisdom thing!
I know you know the value of a good therapist or support group, if you can find them.
At the least keep reading/posting here,
You will see you are not alone in struggling. You have a lot of pain to work through, pls be gentle with yourself.
Take life minute by minute, hour by hour if you have to.