Seeing everyone's kind thoughts this morning made me tear up, in a happy way. Thank you. Core belief that must be changed, and it's so tricky. I want to be happy. Life shouldn't be this hard. It shouldn't be this hard to make a decision. I realized at some point laying awake staring at the ceiling last night that I think for the first time in my life I feel angry. T is going to be thrilled. I'm angry at all the people in my past that abused me that have made life difficult for me now. I didn't do anything wrong then. It wasn't me. It was how I responded and how I was trained and that has to change but I'm angry at them for hurting me in ways that I know how to suffer even more - when do they? No. They don't. They are still living their lives like nothing every happened, but it did. It did happen and I don't want to end my life because they messed up my future. T is going to be really thrilled today. She might even do her happy dance - haven't seen that in a while.