Sorry you are experiencing all of this. Hugs to you. I also have difficulties from time to time differentiating between personality vs. stressful event vs. episodes/symptoms. I think they are all clustered into one where the mania/depression/or mixed states complicate my response to the stressor as well as they bring out some personality issues. While I do believe it could be a possibility this can be your natural response to a trigger (which in this case is the situation with your wife), if other symptoms or signs were present before this, then maybe it is an episode or at least BP symptoms too.

If the case is Bipolar symptoms, it sounds like it can either be an irritable form of hypomania or some mixed depression/hypomania. Definitely talk to pdoc about these concerns. Another possibility is personality disorder traits that sometimes co-occurs with Bipolar or is even a misdiagnosis. If you can explain to your doc and/or therapist some of your personality traits, maybe they can explore this further to better help you distinguish. A therapist would especially spend the time with you to help examine this, and maybe both the pdoc and therapist can communicate to help figure this out so you can get more effective treatment. Just some things to consider.