Well, what he did think, and still thinks, is that it's taking a long time for me to get better - and I pointed out to him that it's not really for him to say, but of course he's speaking only about what he perceives. And sometimes he gets frustrated when I still say the same kind of thing, fuelled by self-loathing, that I did five or six years ago when we first became close friends. And what he probably meant back in June was that he can imagine getting a bit too frustrated if another five or six years pass without the kind of change he would wish for - i.e., that I get happier, basically, and stop hating myself so much. He admitted that he probably phrased himself badly. It's just unfortunate that we didn't meet for so long, so that this was allowed to fester in me and led to the conclusion that I can only make other people's lives worse unless I stay away from them. (I had also seriously misinterpreted an email I got from him during the summer.) I no longer think that, for the record. (This may be temporary, knowing me )

TMI perhaps, but I wanted to explain, since you were kind enough to ask!