Thank you all, I really needed to hear some encouraging words. I wish I had someone to lean on, although there are those around me who love me, no-one can handle helping me through this. I don't even know how to describe what this is to my husband. He knows I'm suffering, he just doesn't know what to do with it. I have no other prn to take and my newest med is Geodon. I had a reaction to the lamictal and they cut me off my symbyax cause "it makes you crave carbs". I made it through taking my Mom to the doctor and I just left another message on the nurse line. I have a pretty good feeling they are going to tell me to go to the hospital and that is just not an option for me. I have too much responsibility. I feel like I am losing my mind, I can't take this, it's too much.