So, this should probably be in the Spiritual Support section but I want to hear what my bipolar friends think. I have been struggling deeply with my spirituality and relationship with God since my release from the hospital in January. He has been silent. I have been living a very mundane dreary life since then, with no real purpose, just sort of existing.

Till it happened. I think God actually spoke to me. He put me on a path to see the truth in certain relationships in my life. Perfect example is I met someone online who blew me away, I was immediately smitten. We had several wonderful chats and I was starting to fall hard for him. But I was feeling empty. You know how we get at the beginning. If we aren't constantly texting or whatever we feel a hole in our hearts. Anyway, one night, late, I watched a movie called Christian Mingle on Netflix. It was a wonderful little movie how a young woman finds God then the love of her life comes back to her.

And then I thought to myself. Why not just start a conversation with God? Talk to Him like I used to. So I asked for him to hear me and guide me on the right path. Well the next day, a friend asked me to look at her pictures from her trip on Facebook. Now I avoid Facebook like the plague and I haven't logged in, in months. So I log in, and in the list of friend's suggestions there's my online guy in the arms of his GIRLFRIEND. Facebook must have pulled him from the contacts in my phone. How bizarre is that? So I confront him, he admits it, begs me not to tell his partner, yadda yadda, the end.

So now I am left here with all these questions in my head. Did God actually look out for me? Was this a total coincidence? I also feel empty and hollow. I want to welcome God into my heart but everywhere I look online they say you have to except Jesus in order to find God.

I can't do that.

You don't understand. I once had a very personal relationship with Jesus. There have been so many times where I have seen him. he has spoken through me and I have searched for him. All this led me straight back to the hospital. Every time I go on a spiritual quest, something happens. I am on my meds, taking them everyday, then out of nowhere an episode occurs with me powerless to stop it. I can't do it. I can't accept Jesus and find God.

So I feel soul less, helpless, hopeless. I am desperate. I want so badly to have a relationship with God again, but how do I do that and not go crazy? I am so confused and angry all at the same time. I know He is there looking out for me, its obvious. But I am so afraid to TALK to Him.

Does anyone feel the same way? Does your spiritual path lead you to mania and straight back in the hospital? I could really use some advice, hugs and prayers.