Background: My therapist is a sweet, intelligent woman, a psychologist with a Ph.D., about 8 years older than I, and has always maintained appropriate boundaries.
I've been in therapy for nearly a year seeing T an average of once a month. I have learned that during and prior to my attempt, I suppressed my own feelings while ignoring or discounting those of my family. I learned that after about 6 months and continue to journal in order to try to stay in touch with my feelings.
Everything else about therapy has just been confusing. I don't think I will ever understand what I did (a serious suicide attempt) I'm disgusted with myself for what I did and try to compensate by being more pleasant and attentive to people around me. I am no longer worried about taking medication; I figure I need all the help I can get. But I don't think I'm ever going to really understand why I did what I did. And sometimes, when I try to understand, I think that I sort become troubled about "other things", but it doesn't last for long because the "other things" never really provide the answer I seek. Furthermore, the more I talked about my youth, the more unreal it seemed, so I'm trying to refrain from going there anymore.
Lastly, sometimes therapy sessions make me "flash back" to my attempt for a few days after the session (at first I really flashed back, now I just flash back emotionally). It makes me anxious, scared and/or sad. Other than the trauma I created with my self-inflicted, serious attempt, my life has been relatively trauma free. Would I be better off if I stop going? It certainly would be better for my wallet.