At first, this drug seemed like a miracle drug. I took it mainly for depression so that I could have more "normal" days. It seemed to be working with minimal side effects and I was happy with the drug.

Now, I don't know what's going on.

-I am having vivid nightmares
-I cannot sleep all the way through the night
-I am stumbling over my words
-I am getting forgetful
-I am angry and aggressive
-I have symptoms of mania and I can't control the manic feelings
-I am back to being anxious 24/7
-I can't focus on anything
-I am emotional and I don't know how to handle it (I am usually more stoic)

I don't know what else to take. I've been on everything else and nothing seems to work. There's no sense on putting me on another mood stabilizer because I am not manic off my pills. If they bump up the dose, I'm scared my body will adjust or my new side effects will get worse.

I hope I don't come off as a snob, but I value my stoicism and being well-spoken. I value being able to read and study without the annoyance of not being able to focus. I value my usual odd and artistic dreams I have and I am not used to vivid nightmares that are focused on reality. I value being calm, centered, and rational. I always feel the need to be sharp and on my game. I honestly can't live without feeling like "myself." I can't stand it when other people are emotional and irrational and it's driving me nuts that I am acting this way.

What do I do if my pdoc insists on keeping me on this medication? I am considering law school and have been networking with lawyers. I need to be on my game and I don't want to go back to depression. My pdoc won't augment the Lamictal, so I feel at a loss.

Has anyone been through this? Does anyone have any advice?