I agree but in my case it is not that. I've never regretted wearing my heart on my sleeve and being sensitive and emotional. It is part of who I am and is an aspect of my personality that I have always been proud of.

My problem is that I've never had that sensitivity returned and I've only wanted it to be returned by two people in my entire life. One was about 13 years ago and one was more recently. I was wrong in my expectations of them. Not a problem except that both times I was so crushed that it led me to lengthy bouts of severe suicidal depression. The one 13 years ago took me over a year to get over. I was hospitalized for a suicide attempt and I ended up at home in bed for over a year, unable to work and only leaving my house to go food shopping and dr. appts. I finally got over it and found a new job but now I'm in the same state, I've been dealing with this bout for nine months now, if I go out I have to see that person every day, so I stay home in bed, I'm not working, I can't pay my bills. I wish I could not let one person take away my life so completely and for so long but I haven't found a successful way to battle it. Actually I did... The DBT training I got in IOP this time was helping but it has all fallen apart in the last few weeks after another situational incident. One can say "I've beaten this before I can do it again" which is true but it has taken so much incredible effort on my own with no support (I get good support here on PC but I don't have any friends IRL or family who can see me face to face so I am alone all of the time) and so the issue is I'm tired out and no longer willing to put in the effort. I've never had a successful relationship nor even an unsuccessful relationship. I've literally been alone my whole life except for friends which are now gone. With this realization that if a hope of a relationship doesn't work out leads me to this crushing depression I can't even take that chance again. I consider that a catch 22 sort of defect.