Hi, you're dealing with a lot here and I can see why you are conflicted about therapy.

Would you be comfortable printing out your post and showing it to your T? It sounds like therapy as it currently is...it's not meeting your needs and not providing insight on important life events. And it is sometimes focusing on areas you don't want to explore. If you show the post to T...see what happens from there and that may help you arrive at a decision? Good luck.