With all that abuse I can see why you would hate your parents. My parents fought with each other, my dad physically abused me and my mom was an alcoholic. I didn't get much care or love from them either. Like you, I had been the strong one until I had a nervous breakdown in 2012. I was over 40 at the time. My parents are now gone and I don't miss them that much. I had to reparent myself--give myself the love and affection I didn't get from them. That was a lot of therapy but it was worth it. When they were alive I didn't talk to them until right before my mom passed away. I think the limited contact and therapy helped a lot.