I am sorry you feel this way and are going there this but if Jesus was not in my life I would be a lot worse off, I don't go to church and I am not religious but God is number one in my life and I am very grateful for all his blessing, I may have some illnesses but I don't blame Jesus for them because it is not from him he loves me and he loves all of us, If it wasn't for him I don't think I would be alive today, He has been looking out for me threw thick and thin, I am sorry you are struggling but Jesus is not the enemy