I don't know if I'd call myself highly functioning, but I get up every morning even though I wish I could sleep all day and drag myself to work. I take my kids to school, soccer. I clean, grocery shop and keep myself presentable. But it is a struggle every single day to go to work. I don't know if it's my illness or if it's just not a good fit for me. I cut out early when I can. I take long lunches. I make excuses to get out of taking team trips. I get angry when people ask me to do things that are part of my job. And then I drink when I get home, mostly beer. I'm on meds and I take them religiously, and I know the alcohol can interfere, but honestly, I've felt every bit as depressed when not drinking as I do when I am drinking. I don't want to tell my doctor that the depression isn't any better and that I feel like I'm living on borrowed time before I just withdraw from everything and lose my job because 1/ he'll bring up the alcohol and/or 2/ he'll want to switch my meds and I just can't go through that roller coaster ride again. I just keep sucking it up and marching forward. But I'm miserable and I don't want to do any of this anymore. I get up every morning for my family. So I don't burden my husband and frighten the children. But my heart hurts and today just isn't the day that I can ignore these feelings. I just try to make it through one more day. And the beer helps, but it takes a lot of beer to feel relief anymore. I don't know what to do so I just keep going.