The part of me that survived survived by removing myself emotionally or by withdrawing my care or by dissociating myself emotionally from the situation.

Now, what he is asking me to do is to cope with his leaving without removing myself emotionally or by withdrawing my care or by dissociating myself emotionally from the situation.

But... Removing myself emotionally or withdrawing or dissociating was precisely how I was able to keep up my functioning in the face of the person leaving.

And now when I remove myself or withdraw or dissociate he tries to call me on it and he tries to make it such that I won't do that.

But... I need to do that in order to be able to cope.

My changing that... Will be slow. Will be gradual. It isn't something that he can hurry along just because our time is limited. Doesn't matter how much our time is limited or not it simply isn't something that can or will be hurried along.

If I invest too much... I run the risk of losing my functioning in the face of his going.

My withdrawal is (at present) a necessary coping strategy. If I didn't do that then I wouldn't be able to function.

It will not be hurried along. I do take risks. They are small, yes. But that is because I am fragile and because my functioning is crucial to me. If he can't respect that... Well... That certainly isn't the way for him to get me to trust / invest in him more. I invest more than I feel comfortable with already. I am taking risks. If he doesn't get that... Well... %#@&#! him. %#@&#! HIM.