Day 5 in Nutjob-Land: OMG you guys, I am so f'ing pissed I can't see straight. This was the worst day yet in terms of uselessness.

Last time I went through this program: 1) I got a HELL of a lot more out of it and 2) my pdoc saw me daily. Of course, I was just coming out of inpatient, but still.

This time: I am getting a BIG FAT HONKIN ZERO out of it, and my pdoc finds 5 minutes for me every other day.

I am sick of the same people monopolizing every conversation and group. They always get to me last, and I'm the one who always ends up with 30 seconds to talk, because everybody else took so f'ing long and no limits were set -- even a gentle "we need to move along now." Nobody gives a damn about the larger issues that brought me there, they're all fixated on the fight I had with my boss. It CONTRIBUTED to my current state. It is not the CAUSE of my current state. But they're all treating it like it is. I am f'ing sick and tired of talking about my f'ing boss! It was a month ago! I don't give a damn anymore!

What a horrible waste of time and money.

</rant>

Now, with the venting over, I can move on to the shouldn't-be-amusing-but-kinda-is stuff ;-).

The ruder, cruder and more obnoxious of The Manic Twins was at his rudest and crudest this morning. He would make obnoxious comments at inappropriate times, get up and go smoke whenever he felt like and stay out as long as he liked, and spent his time in check-in group talking about being homicidal. Everybody, including all the Ts, hate the guy's guts and can't figure out what he's doing there if he isn't willing to do any work.

There's a child/adolescent unit in this hospital. They're usually wrapping up lunch around the time we get there. Obnoxious Boy got in a fight with one of the teens! He was promptly escorted out of the cafeteria by security, and later out of the facility by police. I assume that's the last we'll see of him, which is a tremendous relief. But it certainly brought some excitement to the day!

The other thing kind of makes me feel sorry for the guy, but you gotta wonder how he functions. We were watching a video in one group this morning when a new addition joined the group. Stopped the video, introduced everybody, went back to video. Not 5 minutes into it, he made a beeline for the bathroom.

I swear to god, this guy puked his guts out for 2 or 3 hours. I am not kidding. All the way through the video and break, all the way through the art therapy group (which is actually the only thing I've enjoyed so far) and break, and he was still going at it when we left for lunch.

Really evil case of the flu that he should have stayed home with? Nope. Nerves, according to the Ts. He can't handle large groups (there are like 8 of us now).

Can you imagine not being able to function around more than one person at a time? How the hell does this guy survive in the world? He owns his own business!! He MUST have employees. Good grief.

Anyway, that was the end of him. In the middle of group therapy (another one where I got 2 minutes to talk about bullsh*t because they think that's all I'm there for), another new addition arrived. We finished group and then the T asked him to introduce himself. Turns out he thought his wife was trying to kill him, etc. This now makes TWO paranoid schizos in the group. I'm beginning to think I'm normal.

Yesterday my pdoc upped one of my meds and is thinking about upping a second. I just want my regular support team back. I want my own pdoc (Inpatient Boy looks after my pdoc's inpatients because my pdoc doesn't do inpatient). I want my own T. I want people who give a damn about me, and know how to properly structure available time. In other words, I want OUT.

Can you guess what my rating on "anger and irritability" will be tomorrow morning? ;-) I had a pretty bad case of road rage on the way home too. Didn't do more than toss a couple dozen F-bombs, but still.

I found a piece of glass I hadn't seen before behind the door, and I'm dying to go use it.

ARGH.

Candy