Quote:
Originally Posted by skeksi
When I have to see my brother, it helps a little to pamper myself afterward like I was sick or had just had something terrible happen (which I did! Retraumatization is no joke).
It doesn't make things fine, but I think it helps me manage the thoughts and feelings better than when my strategy was to turn off after seeing him and pretend I was unaffected.
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Wow, I've been trying for years to pretend that I'm unaffected and it basically sends me into a self hatred spiral.
Also, he threatens suicide so I'll "counsel" him.
I love him and I hate him. I have little choice but to live with him too. In my culture, adult children stay with parents till they marry.
ETA: today I broke down in my room and wept instead of self harmed. Put myself to bed, thought of T's words "self care is not about basic activities of living like combing your hair. It's about being cared for - allowing yourself to be cared for and caring for yourself", stared and stared at your words, stared at the hugs of care... cried some more.
Thought of the young me getting traumatised by the brother and wept and wept.
I feel better now...for a bit. Took myself out of the house, sitting at a McDonald's.