the thing is... that the only way you can know if a guy is interested in a longer term relationship with you (and not just casual sex) is if you make them wait for casual sex. in particular, if you make them wait for casual sex, and you see that they have the opportunity to have causal sex with someone else, but they don't have casual sex with that other person because they are more interested in a relationship with you.

i guess that is a way of saying that relationships take time. it takes time to figure out whether someone is in it for the long haul (is seriously interested in a longer term relationship) or whether someone is in it for some hedonistic pleasure / fun. the only thing that will tell you is... time. and to see that they forsake the latter because they are more interested in the former.

it is a risk, of course. it might be that as you are fostering an intimate connection with them (that doesn't involve sex) that other girls are hitting on them and promising them a good night out. the issue is... that if they can't keep it in their pants to work on their relationship with you then they really aren't likely to be able to keep it in their pants when you go through the (fairly inevitable) tough times later... but the risk is, of course, that you will lose them because they are short sighted enough to just care about that hedonistic good time.

there is some truth in the sense of waiting and seeing whether the guy respects you. of course some relationships establish fairly quickly and go on to last, but i do think it is fair to say that they are the exception rather than the rule.

part of it does come down to your respecting yourself (making sure that the guy is committed before being physically intimate). that... can be the sexiest thing of all... so long as the guy has the emotional maturity to keep it in his pants and go with that, of course.

but really... would you really want to be with anyone else?

if not... then that might be worth working on...