Yes! I feel like I shouldn't ever need anything or anyone. The tape plays that says I'm worthless and useless. I should be an "adult" and be able to handle everything on my own, regardless of overwhelm or actual skill involved... I hate feeling "needy" (which for me is needing anything at all from another person, including comfort or company when I'm sad). I feel like a bother simply for existing...

I hear you about being attracted to overly controlling individuals. For the longest time, I only ever pictured myself with an abusive and controlling man. Domestic violence and abuse were what I thought was the norm, so I expected that for my adult life too. Then I was introduced to healthier relationships. I still sometimes fall into the thinking that I should be with someone abusive because that's what I grew up with. It still throws me of when my wife responds with compassion... :/