Turtle remember that having love for others , animals and all gods creatures great and small is easy ,very easy compared to loving yourself and "allowing" self love and compassion , the harshest judgement you will ever face is yourself and the worst most confining torturous prison we can find ourselves in , is created by our own mind, the inside of your head can be the thickest walks and strongest steel confinement a person will ever face, I still have thoughts that my rationale mind finds "unthinkable and offensive" , I have ICU PTSD, not the normal hopped up on drugs with the conscious mind taken out , so everything you feel and hear becomes part of an elaborate "fantasy world of torture" created by your unconscious mind to try and make sense of what you are feeling, opiates and benzo's in ICU contribute / cause delirium , in my case it was the absence of those that broke me , I had MOF CASCADE, with a progressing hemothorax , , nurse kept coming telling me I was having anxiety and to try and calm down ( I wish I had had the air to put her in her place, needless to say when a Doctor got there he recognized I was circling the drain, on went the emergency high procedure lights as he told me we did not have time for anesthesia and he proceeded to Crack my chest and strategies draining the blood that was crushing my lungs , at some point I passed out, only to reawaken later paralyzed on a ventilator starring jnyo those lights , first it was annoying , then it was irritating , hen it was furious and wishing some moron would drop there newspaper on my face or build a dog house anything to get those lights out of my eyes. I think it was like 5 days later somebody realized this guy is going bananas in his head and get rid off the lights , but since then I am an expert at all the thoughts that use the sides of your head as diving boards , because no matter how bad you want to scream or do scream inside your head , not a soul in the world hears you or your pleas , just the way it is , fast forward to ten years ago when a Neurologist told me I had fast progressing ALS , That poor guy had no idea what he just stepped in , but it took me a good 15 minutes to go up one side of him with all that pain that had been festering in the back of my head all those years , and told him all about ALS patients don't die peacefully and the how and why I new better , a little Versed(midazolam) would have been the ounce of prevention that beat a pound of cure , because there is no cure for hyper vigilant PTSD as you well know, but I work through it doing my work as needed to keep myself sane.

Misterpain

Sent from my SM-T810 using Tapatalk