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Originally Posted by Trace14
I'm sorry you triggered yourself with posting that. Please don't feel like you have to post something like that unless you want to share it. I think most of us can read between the lines in most cases and understand how hard it is to talk about some things. I know that was very hard to share and it's not offensive to me. Please do call your T and talk with her.
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Yeah, I contacted her, though I can't really bring myself to be more open about what's going on. I feel like i'm bothering her (not because of anything she said. She actually encourages me contacting her. It's all my own stuff)...
There's this internal push to not keep having these secrets, but they are also really triggering to talk about. It sends me right back into a panic about getting in trouble, and about me making it all up, and... I dunno. I wish I could talk about it with someone other than t, but also have t around in case I get overwhelmed...
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Has something happened recently to spark these emotions? I don't recall you being in such a dark place. Maybe the death of a critter? Please take of yourself and know you are worth saving and keeping safe. Your wife sounds like a wonderful person. My partner has come to grips with my change in who I am. At first it was hard to understand, with my isolation, and being in my head so much. Being involved with someone with PTSD or CPTSD must be very hard for the partner. I hope one day I can make this time up and show how much I appreciate them being here for me.
Take care.
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I started processing the csa stuff via emdr. It's stirring up a lot of stuff. I guess it also opened up the self harm stuff and sui past stuff that's making it difficult to not re-trigger no matter what i'm doing. I was working with dogs the other day and just them bumbling into me as they played or greeted me triggered flashbacks... it's a huge wave of overwhelm that does eventual calm down; I just have to get through the first intense part without giving into the self harm urges. T & I have strategies for it, but sometimes I forget them in the moment...