If you are seeing a therapist, I would recommend talking with them about this. I'm very sorry you're feeling so much pain. All you can do is change yourself and how you address things and I truly believe you have a lot to offer as a friend if only you could see that it's not just about what YOU give and what YOU do for people that makes a friendship but what is shared.

I'm replying to this thread although I'm not sure how helpful it will be. I'm writing from the other end of the situation here. .

I have two different friends who, like you, complain that "all" their friendships are "one sided" and complain about how much they do for everyone and yet are not valued and get nothing in return. One friend is lost now...sad and unnecessary.

From the lost friend, I received nothing but complaints about my being an inadequate friend, what a bad person I am for declining her spontaneous invitations, or various other invitations (some of which I simply couldn't afford, and said so) On many occasions I was stalked by her on social media where she made up a story for herself in which we were all conspiring against her and not inviting her, which was not the case at all. Once she saw on social media that I invited someone over for dinner and concluded that I had a party and didn't invite her. "Thanks for the invite," she posted on my photo. Then private messages berating me for not inviting her. What she didn't realize is that it was far from a party, but a spontaneous visit from a friend who had no kitchen that night due to plumbing issues. "Well it looked like more fun than that!"

Between all the berating and complaints about myself, I was told how much I was loved and valued for all my great qualities and that she needed to spend time with me because she needed me as a sounding board for her seemingly endless social issues and complaints about other people. When I eventually did make it to hang out with her, I was so resentful about being told what a jerk I am for not making it to hang out with her more often, and that I owed her some time for being so unavailable all the time, it felt like I was there only to prove my friendship and feed her insecurities. Many visits were occupied by the drama she wanted me to weigh in on and help her through it because I made her feel better. At no time was I asked how I was doing, why I wasn't able to afford to go the restaurant she was dying for me to try. She didn't even know I was laid off my job because every interaction with her was saturated with....her...her needs, her losses, her pain, her other "bad" friends, her in laws, her husband. There was no exchange. She once gave me a TV at the end of our visit. I appreciated it... but I knew it wasn't free. Sure enough.....that TV came to bite me! Another time she happened to text me while I was at the ER with a broken foot and she insisted on picking me up. I felt bad, I was ready to call a taxi. I appreciated the ride. She saw it as investing into more of my time! And because of all these things, I was reminded of how indebted to her I was. She created this vibe.

The other friend who I still have.. is way more reasonable and respectful and I'm able to continue the friendship because of healthy boundaries and I actually think the friendship is more meaningful because of it. She was telling everyone who would listen about my messy apartment, how I never called her or invited her to things but on numerous occasions she would spoil the experience by being way too high maintenance.. for example, she would insist on being a "nature lover" and wanted to join on one of my excursions. She was uncomfortable the whole time and wanted to leave early. Waste of time and money.. So I learned the limits and things got better, although not as frequent as she wanted it to be.

I'm not saying that you are just like either of these people but it's important to simply have a good time with people. Do not be drawn into the idea that winning friends by doing favors is going to work.

Please explore the forum on attachment and talk with your therapist. I really hope you find some balance in your friendships. I'm sorry if my sharing was hurtful or triggering.

Take care,
Lele